Before too much

What if it's a lie.
What if it's all a lie.
You.
You and I.
It's not the same
as she and I 
and all I feel around you
is calm, content and bored.
Maybe not bored,
but waiting
For you to leave
so that I can sleep again

All I seem to want to do is sleep.

I feel like I just psychoanalyze 
turn my insides out
trying to find something wrong when maybe it's all right.
what if you and i is fine
and she and I is quite sublime
but overall it's all around the line of 
acceptability

What if everything's all right?

Close my eyes
Hold my hand
pull me close

Don't let go
I'll drown;
please don't

Kiss me hard
once, twice
pilfer my lily-white ignorance

Plaster yourself around me
like childhood games
be the tortilla
like the blanket
around my filling
me

Now
Wait
for
that
HeartBeat
double thud
Racing pulse
shivering through 
cold blue veins
Once, twice, again, again
Watch them blossom inside
blue seeds running into purple buds
they blossom into red roses
roses
roses on my skin
bursting into blood-red bloom
Heartbeats thrust them onward
roses blooming on my skin
Sway and melt and drip onto the floor
they don't touch your skin,
you're gone now
they touch the floor
where i was
where you've been

Drowning farther
inside the past
drifting onward
hope is glass

A shard of glass for you my friend
a delicate piece of a heart
hold out your hands
i'll place it there
do anything to keep it whole

But those hands were shadows
so we learned
shadows and knives
the stuff of lies

lies.
all lies.

One deep lie hidden in plain sight
Lie, lie, lie, lie
hahahaha
Lies hidden in plain sight.
Don't wonder
do anything but wonder.
Look, here, I'll distract you
One pretty flower
three little jigs
one crooked smile
a plan for the masses
little thoughts
silly thoughts
harmless thoughts
careless thoughts
dreams?
what dreams?
No dreams, of course.
Look, here's my hand
and here's my nose
and here're my lips
and here're my eyes
Take them with you when I die.
Really?
It's working?
I'd never guess it was this easy!
and here're my thighs
and here's my ear
and there's my hair.
Still don't know.
Ignorance.
No,
doubt.
Doubt I can work with
or -- at least the devils and demons within can use
to pull and torment the machine.

Perhaps we all feel like we're going to die
ripping apart
tearing apart
drying inside as the mirth leaks out and we find ourselves alone,
so much that no memory will surface
no spirit condense
nothing to console
empty words float past our ears
empty as our hearts
so then, are they very full?

how can you be filled by something so plastic?
why do you like it?
Plastic all plastic?

I wanted to laugh.
Describe.
Describe perfection.
And still a little lie I lied.
Clearly I should be a guy.
Because the opportunity is perfect.
At the least, I can be so cheered to know
it's not all been in vain.
You know the right of it.
Finally.
I've shown you what would be worthwhile,
truly worth it,
and if you've realized that
and follow that
everything will be fine
because you'll Know
who will love you in this world.
You know now perhaps.
Please use it,
you know they'll love you.

It's true that nothing in this world is perfect,
but perfection is not lacking flaws
but a combination of perfect imperfections.
Find your perfect imperfection.

I don't know what they'll say
Who will say
i knew all along?
Who will say
WHAT???
Who will wonder pensively
if they'd had a shot at me.
I don't believe it
anything
nothing really matters
it seems

Close my eyes
Hold my hand
pull me close

Don't let go
I'll drown;
please don't

Kiss me hard
once, twice
pilfer my lily-white ignorance

I want to forget it all.
I know I'll find you
Sir I've Left
in the place where I am headed
I expect you'll be there now.
Drown me.
But not inside myself for once.
Pull me into your skin and 
in your blood
warm from pounding
purple from breathing
let me drown.
Help me forget.
Let me drown.